Whoever loves his life loses it…

I’m starting a new chapter in my life as a stay at home mom. It’s something that I had planned to do over a year ago when my daughter was born, but due to circumstances it just didn’t work out that way. We’ve now been in a transition period for close to three months with my job winding down until my final day in January. With this event a year in the making and a 3 month countdown I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.

6+ years ago when we started our family planning, I did not think that I would be a stay at home mom. I was very career driven…had just finished my masters degree….loved my job….etc. Then, infertility entered my life. It’s amazing how we as humans value and prioritize those things that we cannot have, but I still don’t exactly think that is what changed my heart. A series of events in those 5 years of ttc (trying to conceive for those IF (infertility) savvy peeps.) including injuries with months of recovery, job searching, moving to another state, death of a dear family member, another injury…on top of the ttc and IF treatments that started….just sort of turned my world upside down. About three years ago we did a small group at Redeemer and read the book Reforming Marriage by Douglas Wilson. I don’t think there was something earth shattering said in that small group or in the book (sorry Pastor Adam…and Douglas Wilson)—but I started to really pray about and think about my role in our marriage and in our home. I felt like God had changed my mindset and my heart to be more focused on my family. So, when I finally did have my baby, planned to stay at home….and then I couldn’t– I really wasn’t sure what to think.

As we’ve been in our final countdown (a very long 3 month countdown), many people have asked me if I’m excited. And, I am excited. I was trying to ponder in my head what exactly I am excited about or how I feel about it. Then I thought….After these really crazy 6 years, I’m just excited to have my life back. And my immediate next thought was “whoever loves his life loses it.” 6 years. Sometimes I am a slow learner.

John 12:23-26. And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified.  Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.  If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.